Joie de Vivre!

Didn't get my OA prayers in this AM because my youngest had a friend over.  I felt disconnected until I said the 3rd step during work (silently!).

So I told the Day School we are pulling Asher out of their school.  They were very upset with me, said it came out of the blue and insisted we have a meeting with the school counselor on Tuesday.  So I have to sit through it again.  The truth is, and I told the principal this, my kid is miserable and he should be thriving.  That over-rides everything.  He had the nerve to say that maybe it's not school, maybe it's our home life.  That annoyed me a bit.  Hopefully that meeting will be the end of it.

Asher has a weekend-long Shabbaton that started this morning.  it's through his camp.  Apparently there is an indoor pool at the hotel where it is located.  i gave him my cell phone and told him to call me Sat. night, motzi Shabbos, and again on Sunday when they are scheduled to arrive.  Our area is expected to receive a major snowstorm all day tomorrow, so I am a  bit nervous.  I don't know why, but something has my anxiety up.

Just discovered that new "my stats" feature.  I had 195 visitors to this journal in one day this month?  I had no idea that anyone besides my friends page was reading this.  I am even on two RSS feeds!  So who the heck is reading my journal?  Please say something about yourself, anything.

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If anyone wants to collect DVD's at work and forward them to me, I'll see that they get to the 108th and other units in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Some of the most frequently requested items from soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan are DVD's of movies and TV shows back home. We are collecting new and gently viewed DVD's to send to soldiers. Please consider sending one or more DVD's to: 414 Garden State Drive Cherry Hill, NJ 08002 Notes and ribbons around your contribution are mightily appreciated. We'll bundle and ship them overseas.

I started this Facebook group tonight after being at a holiday party with a unit that is deploying. PLease join and promote among your FB friends! I'm counting on you guys to help! Search for: "DVD's for Soldiers".

I listened to a guided meditation for Mindfulness yesterday at lunch (with my Mp3 in the teacher's lounge) it was so rejuvenating. Must do that more.

I am too tired to take notes on my teaching book in the evenings and at lunch I need a break. So I may not get to outlining it until Winter Break. Maybe I'll do a little at lunch. I am beening very good about taking my whole lunch break and i relly do get burned out if I don't take it.


Voices of Recovery for Today: Living honestly with your feelings and writing them down: I am feeling a little fear about getting enough rest tonight. My stay-awake med (Vyvanse) wears off early. Maybe I'll try to get off work early and come home and nap.

I am feeling abstinent today. It's that glorious calm without hunger, rather elusive but so worth it. i am not flour and sugar abstinent this time. I am just feeling very connected to my HP. The feeling just poured over me yesterday when I read the 3rd step prayer. **************

We're pretty much decided to move Asher to public school after Winter Break. My friends that I expected to disapprove kinda understand, which makes me feel much better. I need to call his Pediatrician and get a copy of his shot records. Must do that today. I am a little worried that the automatic payments will continue to come out of our bank account. I'll let hubby deal with that.

I got up promptly when the alarm went off at 5.
I said my 1st, 3rd and 7th step prayers.

Thoughts on today's Voices of Recovery: The importance of acting "as if" and living in the moment: Living in the moment is a challenge for us humans, particularly us addicts. The compulsion to dwell in the past or the future keeps us out of our Circle of Influence - the moment of Now. If I focus on how I can serve G-d and others at this moment, I step out of my own self-centeredness and live better.

For today, I will choose to focus on my Circle of Influence and be the best me I can be. For today I will not reach for food I don't need, I will stop and look at what I am feeling and doing. For today, I will not live someone else's life, and my past and future are not my life right now.

Off to walk the dog for half an hour then to work out at Nechama's.

Went back to an OA meeting this am because I know by focusing on my food compulsions and my own addiction, I keep properly centered when hubby is struggling with his own demons. And he is struggling mightly hard right now. As long as he stays in program, I will stand by him.

Him: Thanks for being so supportive when I am struggling with my addcition...
Me: Thank YOU for cleaning the kitchen..
Him: (Laughing) I am talking about something serious that effects every part of my life here..
Me: Me too! (more laughter)

He's cleaned the kitchen and is doing the laundry today while I play Rock Band 2 with the kiddos and work on stuff for work. I really am lucky to have him, many addicts do not work their programs.

Anyway, once I read the 3rd step prayer I knew I was in the right place this morning. I need to stay more grounded and trusting of my HP instead of trying to run the world like we addicts tend to do. I will get a classroom when my HP deems me ready and I need to step back from worrying about it and constantly asessing myself professionally. This hyper-focus on next year is raising my stress level and I've been gaiing because I've been eating. Going to that meeting somehow made a difference today in my eating because I ate less than half of what I have been lately and didn't feel hungry or deprived. That's what abstinence feels like!

I am making a commitment to work the steps this week. I am wlling to turn my food over to my HP by listening to my appetite (which contact with Him seems to dramatically reduce), but I am not willing to plan and commit my food. I am also reluctant to get a sponsor. I need to sit down and do a moral inventory (step 4?), that always helps me get going.

I spoke with a woman named "C" today after meeting. Her fiance is a drug addict and no longer working his program of recovery We talked about how serenity and our own recoveries are the most important things in our lives and we can't be involved with addicts who are not in recovery. I know I gave her strength and I think HP led me to the rooms this week partially to talk about that with her. She was in tears.

Step 4: Moral Inventory: I have lately been full of pride and ego/ selfishness. I thought about my career and furthering my goals instead of doing my job - supporting the two teachers I work for. This left one of them up a creek because I had offered to sub in the other's classroom all day (that teacher was sick). I didn't mean it on purpose, but that's typical of us addicts, we are blinded by selfishness and ego and tend to trample on others inadvertantly. I need to make an amends.

I just made a belated shiva call via Facebook IM. How tacky is that?

I have had a problem with learning all the English curriculum in half the day since my son started Day School. It just seems like there is not enough time to really explore and enjoy the subjects. They are just doing book-work for everything, and that bores my brilliant son.

After yesterday's conferences, when the teachers called him "lazy", I am even more comfortable moving him next year. In fact I was so annoyed I wouldn't mind moving him now! His English studies are too easy for him and he gets very good grades, but he is not challenged. He is in Math Enrichment, but that just means more homework, not more fun or deeper explorations. I am very not happy with his school.

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My school is going fine. After all the positive feedback I got at the beginning of the year, I am spoiled. I think that I should get constant feedback and reinforcement.

I am currently reading and taking notes on "The Art and Science of Teaching" by Robert J. Marzano. He is the go to guy in the literature for research based teaching techniques. I used his ideas for engaging low-performing students this morning with one student and it made a huge difference, the kid performed like a "high-achiever". For al the teachers on my blog - I strongly encourage you to read this book. It's available from the ASCD.

My goal is to read it, highlight it, prepare notes on it, and memorize it. I am turning my new FrankinCovey planner into a teacher's handbook of sorts with everything brain dumped and organized by concept in it. Then I'll memorize that. With data in my head I can usually think well on my feet - the art of teaching.
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I am personally, physically wiped out. I get lots of sleep but I am just dragging. It's possible that even though I take my bipolar meds faithfully, that I am coming off a hypo-manic phase - that is a phase of extra energy. There is always a moderate depression, not emotional really, mostly tiredness and slowness, after a hypo-manic phase. Seeing how much work I can maintain through this dip will tell me a lot about whether I can handle my own class.

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Asher got his report card and his English was very good but his Hebrew studies were dismal. He does like having a Rebbe this year but it's not enough to keep him happy at Day School. A neighbor told me today at Shul that he gets off the bus every day looking miserable. He's already on anti-depressants, which do help some.

The Torah says to teach each child according to his way. So that's where we need to go. He still has Frum summer camp,NCSY events, Torah-mates on Sunday night and a fairly religious home.

my close friends are not going to pprove. and yes I've posted before that I had made this decision but was always talked out of it. This last time I agreed to give a Rebbe a chance, and it has helped a little but not enough. From talking to lots of people in and out of the Day School world, it seems that spending a post-high school year in Israel is what really gives them a strong Jewish identity. And that's my plan.

Almost started crying at work today. I was told to stop sending books home with the kids so much. Because I am on the rag, I am super-emotional. It took about a hour for the tears to stop trembling in my eyes. Luckily I was able to hide it in my work. On top of that, my principal wants to talk to me and I am, of course, paranoid as hell and am picturing the worst.

I feel super vulnerable right now. Like I'm going to go on FB and find nobody is friends with me any more. Agghh. I'm going to have to rewrite the words to "Feel Like a Woman" to reflect reality like cramps, PMS, hot-flashes, panty-hose, make-up and other annoyances.

Started my math unit with an overview of the essential questions and a preview of Ethan's first Performance Task. Once he masters carrying and a little with decimals, he should be able to count up a pile of cash. Which reminds, me I need to go to the bank on the way home and get a variety of coins for him to use. I also need to print some math pages from edhelper.com.

I had to sub in the science room for a couple classes this AM Teh science teacher di not have anything planned. Luckily I had a Magic School Bus video on rainbows. Whew. That totally saved me. Because it turned out alright, I am not too annoyed.

Conferences are coming - Sam tomorrow and Asher next Monday. I am not looking forward to either one because neither is always good about doing homework.

took some spectacular pics of a friend's kids in the leaves this AM. will post them later.

Hubby and I are both working with our laptops while watching the Eagles game. I have my pink Eagles jersey on - one of those breast cancer awareness ones. Which remind me i need to get a mammogram and have a women's physical. Maybe next summer when school is out.

Spent too much money on myself online. I ordered a new FrankinCovey planner - paper and binder. They have new page designs out that keep the week-long planning format but with more space for writing. I think they will be perfect for tracking my lesson plans for reading groups and Ethan's math. (Ethan is the first grader I am going to be teaching my UbD math units to.) i also ordered The Art and Science of teaching by Robert Marzano. He's one of the most respected and top education researchers in the country. I already have his Classroom Management that Works and Classroom Instruction that Works. I wonder if I can friend him on Facebook?

Regarding the math units. They've been designed beautifully, I just need to plan individual lessons that meet my criteria. That's the hard part. I've been told before that planning curricula is my strong suit. I just don't have the experience in teaching early math. If it goes well, it might help me with getting my own classroom.

I definitely overdid the caffeine yesterday, so combined with the state of excitement I worked myself up into yesterday - I didn't really sleep last night.

I am totally convinced my principal is going to consider me for my own classroom next year. I think that this coming Friday when I am substituting in the 4th or 3rd grades, it is a try-out. SO I have fully decorated my classroom in my head, planned the focus of the curriculum, planned parents night and worked out the first week already.

What would really be cool is getting a classroom this year. Because English is only taught half the day the 3rd grade and 4th grade teacher is the same. She likes it that way and has not complained about the work load that I am aware of. However, I could see the principal not thinking it's very ideal because that's twice the prep and not enough time to plan enough differentiated instruction. If she isn't handling it well, I could do one grade! but that's not likely and I still have plently to learn from the teachers I work with.

I finished the second UbD unit on mult. and division. I will double-check it tomorrow and print it for approval. It's very ambitious and if I can pull it off, I'd be golden.

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I spent last night designing a 7 Habits/ Understanding by Design (UbD) based classroom! It rocks! I can't wait to have my own room!!

UbD is a curriculum design method which focuses on backward design - that is determining the essential questions and core understandings of a curriculum first, establishing performance tasks for students to demonstrate mastery and THEN designing learning activites to teach what they need to know. This process takes longer than traditional methods, at least until I get the hang of it, but works better for me. It's the method of choice for the most respected profesisonal teching organization, the ASCD - Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.

For more info see: www.ubdexchange.org/


I just finished writing my first full unit in UbD format. It's a special unit on addition and subtraction for a gifted 1st grader, but could be adapted for a class pretty easily. I could have easily photocopied and depeded on worksheets.

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